Preparing Children for Greatness

Don't Do Your Kids A Favor:
Help Them Learn From Their Mistakes

by Beth Clark

"Parents and caregivers often want to spare their children and teenagers the pain of failure, but we must remember that failing and making mistakes are necessary elements of growth, development, and maturity."
—Beth Clark

Failure. It's part of life from the time we are very young until we are very old. It happens to all of us, no matter how hard we try to do things "right." Parents and caregivers often want to spare their children and teenagers the pain of failure, but we must remember that failing and making mistakes are necessary elements of growth, development, and maturity. Learn to encourage and affirm the children and young people under your influence when they fail. With good coaching, even the youngest among us can gain the proper perspective on failure and mistakes and see these things as stepping stones to success.

Teach Them that Failure is not Fatal

Help children and young people put failure in perspective. Explain to them that failure does not mean "the end of the world." Maybe a child or teenager in your life fails to make a school sports team or the cast of the school play, but that does not mean he or she cannot play on a church or neighborhood team or put on dramatic productions for family and friends. Don't let their dreams die because of failure or disappointment. Instead, help them re-route their energies into further developing their skills so they can succeed next time. Help them practice what they need to practice in order to succeed in the future, and use encouraging words and phrases such as: "You are doing better every day" or "I am so proud of you!"

Teach Them to Learn from their Mistakes

Webster's Dictionary defines mistake as "an error in action, opinion, or judgment caused by poor reasoning, carelessness, insufficient knowledge, etc." In other words, mistakes are not intentional; they result from lack of training, experience, or knowledge. At the same time, they lead to training, experience, and knowledge. Teach the children and young people in your life that every mistake is an opportunity. When they make mistakes, ask questions such as:

• What can you do to keep this from happening next time?
• What did you learn from this mistake?
• If you don't want to make this mistake again, what needs to change?

Look for the positive lessons to be learned from the mistakes your children make. Ask them to identify what they've learned after they make mistakes and help them see the specific ways each mistake teaches them a lesson that will help them do better next time. Remind them of the old saying, "Everyone makes mistakes," and encourage them to use their mistakes to help them move toward success.

Teach Them that Failure is not Final

Children and teenagers respond differently to failure. For some, failure is just what they need to be determined to try again with renewed effort and energy. For others, failure discourages them completely, makes them afraid to try anything again, and inspires them only to give up. Remind them every time they fail that "there's always next time." Do everything you can to keep them encouraged in a healthy way—not trying again out of anger over a past failure or refusing to try again because of embarrassment.
Above all, remind them often that you love and value them simply because of who they are, not because of what they can or cannot do. That way, they'll never feel like a failure in your eyes!

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