Psyched for Success
For Richer or Poorer
by Ronn Elmore, Psy.d
 "With bold faith, and some intentional effort, it is possible to keep your relationship strong even when your finances are weak."—Dr. Ronn Elmore
I, (Bride/Groom), take you (Groom/Bride), to be my (husband/wife), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or poorer…until death do us part.
On your wedding day, you may have spoken these words or some variation. But who knew that your and your mate's "richer or poorer" commitment would ever be so severely tested?
In today's tough economic climate, many couples are gripped by financial stress that threatens to erode their relationship's very foundation. The news is decidedly gloomy: Over 10 million Americans are unemployed, and their ranks are growing daily. Bankruptcies have soared to over 100,000 in a single month while foreclosure filings are skyrocketing. And a recent Gallup poll found that over 60% of Americans' level of happiness and well-being has hit new lows.
Sadly, the strain can turn your once happy home into a battleground and push your relationship to its breaking point. But it doesn't have to be that way.
With bold faith, and some intentional effort, it is possible to keep your relationship strong even when your finances are weak. Here's how:
Pull Together to Push Together
The burden is much lighter when you've got a partner. Sit down with your mate to map out a plan to reduce debt and protect your resources. Come to an agreement on your short and long term goals. Then devise an action plan to achieve those objectives. If you need help enlist a money-savvy friend or a financial professional.
Think Before You Speak
Financial stress often triggers harsh accusations and blame that can suck the intimacy right out of your marriage. Before you spew out your frustrations and complaints, write it all down first. Wait 24 hours, and then edit out the unnecessarily mean, vengeful stuff. Only then should you voice your feelings. Note: To reduce the risk of a regrettable tirade, consider e-mailing it first, then schedule time to calmly discuss it with your mate.
Marriage is More than Money
In the midst of crisis, it's tempting to give finances the starring role in your marriage. Jobs may come and go. Houses and cars are dispensable. It's important that you don't let them become your singular focus.
Start each day by expressing thanks to God, and your mate, for what you do have—instead of complaining about what you don't. Your relationship is worth more than paychecks and possessions.
Money Free Zone
Spend time together when crisis-management is not on the agenda. Remember when you were dating? You spent hours just talking. Every conversation drew you closer as you opened up to each other. Keep the romance alive by stoking the fires of communication.
It may feel awkward at first, but be patient. The conversation will flow easier with practice.
Strengthen your Ranks
Financial challenges can result in loads of guilt and shame. Those feelings increase the strain as you try to maintain the appearance that all is well. Drop the façade and seek help for you and your spouse to navigate through these rocky times. Consider a financial advisor, marriage therapist, your pastor, or other skilled third parties.
Touch Me in the Morning
Both sexual and non-sexual affection is vital to your relationship. During crisis times couples often lose sight of that fact. Much scientific research suggests that loving, physical contact can reduce stress, lower blood pressure and promote emotional health.
So, do work that budget and reduce that debt, but be sure to flirt, cuddle and make love as if the health of your marriage depends on it. In fact, it does.
Prayer: Private and Partnered
There is nothing you and your spouse can do that is more intimate than to pray. When you pray together you hear each other's most profound—and previously undisclosed—concerns.
Establish a regular time to pray together about your finances and your relationship. Keep it brief and simple to start. Be patient with yourselves and commit to consistency.
Your marriage is your most valuable earthly asset. Sure, money problems can be traumatic. But by working together, instead of pulling apart, you're likely to discover new and improved levels of mutual trust and intimacy. Remember, your season of financial upheaval will eventually end, but your relationship needn't go bankrupt in the process.
We would love to get your thoughts about this article, or have you share your thoughts about the state of the economy and how you and your family are weathering this storm. Please come share with us at Bishop's Blog.
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