When a couple decides to get a divorce, their thoughts are often consumed with the pain, animosity, and heartache. Discussions are so full of who hurt whom and who will get what that the narrative commonly strays from the most important factor in the relationship: the children who are caught in the middle.
Children also feel great pain from divorce. They’re not privy to the explanations or understandings of what is happening to their home yet they experience all the anger, sorrow, and confusion.
When parents speak freely about their soon-to-be-ex, they usually don’t keep in mind that their words are directed at a very important factor in their child’s life. Hearing those frustrated and even hateful words hurts the child because your ex is also a part of who they are.
In divorce, children are also sometimes used as weapons meant to damage the other side. Some former spouses us their children as a way to get back at each other in a way that will especially hurt, but the deepest wound is always carried by the child.
As parents, your job is to protect them from any hurt, even when that hurt comes from you. Divorce will permanently change your family, but you can keep it from making a victim out of your children by remaining partners in parenthood— even if you are no longer partners in love.
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